a desire
to find meaning
in such an arresting chemistry
turning every stone
wanting to breathe
every permutation of feeling
building crescendos
without ever taking off my clothes
a poisonous abuse of trust
nurtured a fuckless romance
palming precious coins
to fill the gaps
left by the cipher i paired with
i descended below the line
for years i did this
until
i was barely tolerated
and then
you had something
you could taste
a threatening reveal
the frothy hypocrisy
of what i always did
her shoulders
her hair
the thought of you
touching her
your trembling hand unclenched
to drop a flare
into my deepest well
light flashed across the walls
every groove
the water below
the hissing choir
the tearing stutter
as it hit
my class picture arrived
not a face
just a limp
along the base of it all
the incongruity
we were never friends
and when the moment arrived
i never realized
i already lived there
your last shove
last words on this planet
you could never miss
something so defective
nothing i understood
hurt like this
and everything rose
eyes closed
chin deep
time to go
time to sleep
"on my dying day i might be able to say, where every word explodes in my face, i might be able to say, you know i finally see things all your way."
